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Your Duck is Dead--
A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary Surgeon.. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet Pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's Chest.
After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and Sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has Passed away."
The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?" "Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the Vet..
"How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean You haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."

The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the Room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on In amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his Front paws on the examination table and sniffed the Duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the Vet with sad eyes and shook his head.
The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out Of the room. A few minutes later he returned with A cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately Sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back On its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and Strolled out of the room.
SMART ANSWER It was mealtime during a flight on a British Airways plane: "Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked the man seated in the front row. "What are my choices?" the man asked. "Yes or no," she replied.

SMART ANSWER

A lady was picking through the frozen Chickens at a Woolworths store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a passing assistant, "Do these Chickens get any bigger?" The assistant replied, "I'm afraid not, they're dead."

SMART ANSWER

The policeman got out of his car and the teenager he stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the Cop said. The kid replied, "Well I got here as fast as I could." When the policeman finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket .

SMART ANSWER

A truck driver was driving along on a country road. A sign came up that read " Low Bridge Ahead." Before he realised it, the bridge was directly ahead and he got stuck under it. Cars were backed up for miles. Finally, a police car arrived. The policeman got out of his car and walked to the truck's cab and said to the driver, "Got stuck, eh?" The truck driver said, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of diesel!"

SMART ANSWER

A teacher at West Australian High School reminded her pupils of tomorrow's final exam. "Now listen to me, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack, a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that’s it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart-arsed teenager at the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would happen if I came in tomorrow suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class was reduced to laughter and sniggering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, "Well, I would expect you to write the exam with your other hand."

The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, But as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, A dead duck."
The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys And produced a bill, which he handed to the woman.. The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$150!" She cried, "$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!" The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my Word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now $150."

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